Peering into the Precipice

Probably the most annoying speech any exchange student hears concerns the hows and whys of culture shock - the experience one goes through when immersing themselves in a foreign culture. Before studying in Prague I had to attend several seminars on the subject and found them painfully boring and for the most part useless. Perhaps because European and American cultures are similar enough to both fall in the “Western” category or because I had such a large network of fellow foreigners to fall back on (nearly 150 in my program) I never experienced any culture shock except the good kind, where you say to yourself “Holy shit this is a cool culture!”. Not so in China.

Its not that the culture shock I’m feeling here is inherently negative. There isn’t anything specifically objectionable, and in many ways Chinese city life is extremely Western (or a bastardization of Western city life). The small but tangible cultural differences are what make life here so interesting on a day to day basis - how people cross the road with reckless abandon at rush hour, how spitting is commonplace and unobjectionable, how eating at a table has a whole different set of mannerisms from back home, etc etc etc. But one substantial difference that most definitely continues to upset and even anger me is the isolation that comes with being a mute foreigner.

Regarding the speaking issues, I’d like to think I’ve done a hell of a job in the last 6 weeks (of truly committed studying) and have made acceptable progress. At the moment I supposedly command some 200 words that fit into maybe ten constructions, such as “I like —”, “I want —”, “I am —”, “I am going —”, “I’ve heard —”, etc etc etc with obvious variations like alternate pronouns, negation, combinations, and questioning. But 200 words is infantile; I’d guess this level is somewhere along the lines of a three year old. I can pick up random words or sometimes the subject of a conversation, and express myself, albeit slowly, but mostly I find myself picking up just enough to realize I don’t know nearly enough. The fact that my best conversations take place with primary school students speaks volumes. But I have my hopes that soon I’ll hit some sort of breakthrough and this damned language barrier will erode.

The other problem is isolation, i.e. a lack of deeper social connections. I do have good friends here, but they’re primarily foreigners, which is exactly what I don’t want - to use the other foreigners at my school as a crutch in my social life. I’d like to finish my time here knowing that I’ve made friends, especially Chinese ones, that I want to and expect to keep up with indefinitely - as I’ve done with so many past friends. To fix this I can’t say I’ve done much besides continuing to bump into folks, try my luck with speaking Chinese or helping their English, and keeping it positive - although only so much can be done with ‘I like/don’t like —’. Essentially I have a ever growing network of acquaintances and a very small number of Chinese friends that ‘count’.

By far the most obvious and perhaps most aggravating bit of isolation is the nuances of Chinese women. The problem with girls here, at least those that are both attractive to foreigners and attracted to foreigners, is that they seem to fall into two categories…

1. Warm Bodies - these are the girls that just love the idea of shacking up with a foreigner… and that’s pretty much it. As with these type of girls back anywhere they can provide a fun night and… that’s about it. And, well, getting in the habit of chasing these sort of girls comes with its array of problems, both obvious and subtle. Think of how many grade school teachers you knew back home that were skirt chasers. Now imagine if everyone in the neighborhood knew it (there’s a persistent murmur that everything us foreigners are spotted doing is hot gossip around here - which wouldn’t be shocking at all). Yea, that can lend itself to some awkward conversations of “I like/don’t like…” with little Sun’s parents that you always seem to bump into.
2. The Innocent - their innocence stems from the many differences between Western and Eastern culture. Girls are pampered and protected by their families much more here, and I don’t think I’m overstepping my bounds when I say many who are in their early twenties still have the romantic development of a middle or high schooler. In some ways this uncertainty leads to some really funny, interesting, and even cute moments, while at other times is downright maddening. At times one feels as if they’re stuck in some horrible daytime drama. An innocent walk in the park has all sorts of values, and gossip, attached to it. Jokes, looks, and slight touches have a whole new level of effectiveness and must be used carefully, least a friend get the wrong impression. As with girls back home, the fun and frustration go hand in hand.

As far as I can tell no third category of “normal” exists. I’ve met girls that act perfectly normal by Western standards who eventually prove themselves to fall into one of the two types - in fact this is how most are, and only with some face time can one determine true colors. Alas, the search continues with a bit of caution on my mind and a lot of recklessness in my actions.