nostalgia - a yearning for the past, often in idealized form
Since departing from China I’ve often found myself experiencing pangs of nostalgia. While most fresh expats in China are quick to point out the myriad of ways in which life in China is so much harder, inconvenient, or downright dirty compared to back home, so are both the newly and long departed equally apt to make such comparisons - life in developed countries is so expensive, so pretentious, so vehemently sanitized, etc. The reality surely falls somewhere in the middle.
Revisiting Beijing and Shanghai several months ago put my nostalgia, and a lot of my own creeping doubts on its merit, into perspective; perhaps only after one has reduced their time in-country to a mere fraction of a year, or not at all, can they begin to really assess the impact and longevity of their full-time experiences there in a prior life.
The conclusion? Damn, what a fun time; but, not perfect. The place doesn’t seem any less interesting or lively, especially compared with more reactionary international cities like Geneva (Zzz). Undeniably, the pace of life along Chang’An Jie, office days in Beijing’s CBD and nights in Sanlitun (or, preferably, near Gulou) are genuinely exciting compared to nearly anywhere else I’ve been.
But it’s hard to ignore the downsides which were brushed under the rug while in China – the borderline exploitative nature of employment for many eager-just-starting expats (which surely pales in comparison to the conditions for locals), that while face is found in the West it seems far more corrosive in the East*, and without a doubt the horrendous environmental conditions that affect nearly every Chinese city, provincial capital, boardwalk, farm and hovel.
That isn’t to say my nostalgia is broken, or that I’m not interested in returning. It’s rather that the nostalgia is slightly tempered with reality. And I’d still happily return if the right opportunity came up. But when seeing and reading about how bad the pollution can be even these days, I feel slightly more content in the staid pace and blue skies of the West.
* interestingly, Chinese is apparently the origin of the English expression “to lose/save face,” which I’d previously assumed developed independently…
Recently Mayor Bloomberg gave a speech on the justification for allowing a mosque to be built within several blocks of Ground Zero in Manhattan, arguing rightly (on moral grounds) that a denial on strictly religious pretexts was reprehensible and (probably) in violation of the constitution. Bloomberg didn’t go quite as far as using the term ‘un-American‘ to describe such xenophobia, but his language took it close to that accurate label. While the term is ugly in that its mostly associated with those verging on tyrannical fundamentalism guised in patriotism, and in some cases like garlic to the political vampires, it would be appropriately used here to drive the point home to exactly that crowd of numb-skulls. To take it further (and closer to the truth), the whole “debate” went beyond the line of stupidity and its a real shame that some of the people that opposed the mosque are as important as they are.
“The government has no right whatsoever to deny that right – and if it were tried, the courts would almost certainly strike it down as a violation of the U.S. Constitution. We may not always agree with every one of our neighbors. That’s life.”
Meanwhile, on the opposite end of the spectrum, China continues to manage the world’s worst public relations campaign for the hearts, minds and souls of its largely Muslim Xinjiang region. No doubt the same hard-core patriots in the US who were aghast at the thought of a mosque on good ol’ Manhattan soil will decry China’s social-cohesion policies as a heinous crime against international religious freedom without quite catching the irony (or, let’s be cynically honest, without publicly acknowledging it). Although they’ll likely save that complaint for the next time a Bible study session is busted up by the friendly neighborhood PSB, which tends to be a less edgy/sexy story for the usual suspects to write about. Notably, even the international Muslim community doesn’t have a coherent stance on China’s Xinjiang policies, as noted by a prominent Turk in Islam.
The central government’s level of control over imams has increased over the last three decades, from watching over activities from the outside of mosques in the 1980s, to appointing and directing imams and arranging mosque activities in the 1990s. Authorities frequently require religious groups to submit texts for examination before they may be used for worship. Regional regulations forbid mosque attendance for those under 18 years old.
Among the countries curiously silent about China’s policies in Xinjiang is Iran. A real shocker, considering each countries’ respective cliffhanger situation, one regarding energy security, the other regarding international isolation.
China defends business ties with Iran
US officials have noted that Chinese firms have been stepping in to fill the void left by companies leaving Iran because of UN and US sanctions. China has emerged as Iran’s closest trading partner and has major energy interests in the Islamic republic.
Heartwarming how, as different as we are, we all manage to find some common ground.
For those that haven’t read or heard, the CCTV’s new HQ compound suffered a heavy blow last month during the peak of the Chinese New Year festivities. There are plenty of stories and pictures that can be easily found online, so I won’t delve too deeply there. I did, however, just read a decent article at a favorite blog of mine, Absurdity, Allegory & China, taking a post-mortem analysis what’s going on there at the moment. From the sounds of it its business as usual – sweep the detritus under the carpet and hope no one notices the scarred earth that remains before the next big rain. I’d be interested in what is planned to happen in the next few months – perhaps a midnight implosion of the skeleton while no one is awake?
Anyhow, its a good read.
At around the 24 month mark I’ve begun gearing up mentally for my departure from China. For me, the issue is a decline into normalcy, at which point many of the attractive features of life in China cease to exist. I think for many foreigners the first year in China is a honeymoon period; everything, even the beggars and tramps and corrupt baijiu swillers, is an intriguing crash course in Chinese ‘culture’. I think a resounding majority leave around the 12-18 month mark, having come with the intentions of a gap year between jobs, between studies and a career, between studies and more studies, etc. Leaving at this point, before the honeymoon turns to reality, they are often left with a deep longing for that magical period in China.
For those of us that stay on longer the honeymoon must, inevitably, end, and we too begin to crave that China that got our blood racing for the first year. Unfortunately, we continue to live in China and a cognitive dissonance is cultivated whereby we are constantly reminded of how our China experience has changed and evolved – not necessarily for the worse, but for the real (as opposed to the initially surreal). I’ve only recently started to drift down this path, where previously humorous ‘cultural’ differences are increasingly grating and may one day be infuriating, where life in China feels more like the 9-5 (or 9-8) grind – at those early signs my inclination is to flee, either to a newer, again-surreal pastures or to good old America, where I can grind in more humane and dignified* conditions and properly revel in my nostalgia of China without constant reminders of what it isn’t. I say this aware of the ongoing economic crisis in the West, with the belief and understanding that the current situation is already having impacts in China and the fallout in the expat community will be felt deeply, perhaps after a 12 month delay. There’s also something to be said of the inescapable appreciation of the RMB which will continue to erode incentives for expats paid in increasingly less valuable currencies, as our basics like cereal increase with local inflation and international currency fluctuations – all in all the economy is not the one and only reason to choose where to hang one’s hat.
More specifically, my decision to move is based on a push-pull of my individual career aspirations and personal passions. Regarding the career, after a year in the ESL game I decided to jump back into economics, the subject I studied, and have enjoyed the learning experience at my internship and then full position in Beijing at a consultancy. I’ve also come to the conclusion that this is the path for me (economics, not consultancy), and as such I am woefully undereducated for an ‘ideal’ position and should probably get down to business, i.e. a post-graduate degree, as soon as possible. I think this is the motivator for many others fleeing China in their mid-20′s – the recognition that an intermediate grasp of Chinese and some basic understanding how a ring-city is navigated isn’t the golden-plated qualification we once thought it would be, and that there is no easy way to skip the qualifications and certifications of most of the world’s professions that everyone else is already on track to securing.
My long time passion, skateboarding, really sealed my decision on a second year in China. My first carefree year in China was great for my skating, and I think really gilded that year as unforgettable on top of all the other unique experiences. The terrain (cities) in China is unbeatable, as is the easy going attitude of security, while the relatively smaller scene in even China’s biggest cities make it easy to feel significantly more central to the scene than is possible back home, except for the most elite or dedicated. And its a nice feeling – we should all love the chance to live vicariously and enjoy a lifestyle similar to a semi-pro at some point. But, ultimately, its a long vacation that must end, and my year of real work in Beijing has done so. While the terrain is still great, I now skateboard less than I probably would working full time in America, and as such feel less involved in the scene here than I’d like. There’s a lot to be said for cultivating a sense of community with like-minded folks, watching and supporting each other’s progression on a daily basis. While I had that during year one, in year two it more feels like I have one or two good friends (in a similarly overworked situation, with compatible schedules) and am largely detached from the rest of the community – ‘known, gets along well with others, but not frequently around enough (or, available enough when invited) to really count as ‘in”. At some point this body of mine won’t be capable any longer, but it is my sincere hope that when I stop skating indefinitely its because of a re-balancing of interests in line with an aging body rather than because my work schedule won’t allow it in an appreciable scale. In China the latter seems increasingly more likely, especially if I continue to scramble in the workforce between ‘baccalaureate’ and ‘higher than baccalaureate’.
That said, I’m currently scoping my options for further study, back home in America, in the fall of 2009. I’ll be leaving China on December 28 for South America, where I’ll be running rampant for 5 months with two very good old friends from high school, exploring, skateboarding, relearning Spanish, and enjoying life full speed with people I love. Once next spring comes we’ll see if I get into my chosen schools; if not it will be an issue of further preparatory courses and a more coordinated effort in 2010 as opposed to returning to the grind. With that timing I’ll leave China just tired enough to be happy to leave, but not soured enough that I know, within a few months or earlier, I’ll miss it dearly and hope to return in the future with a fresh perspective and zeal. I’d much rather leave in this condition than with the ax to grind so many depart with.
* I refer to life as a foreigner in China as undignified for the reason so many love it here (or abroad in general): we will never belong. As others have pointed out, we will develop many meaningful and lasting friendships, but ultimately the eyes of the society as the whole the expat will be considered an expat. This societal opinion is reinforced by the government’s policy of ‘no new citizens’, save in exceptionally rare cases of PR advantage. Whereas in our home countries we only have to justify our place in society, never our membership in society, in China the expat must do so annually with an employer’s blessing and red chop.
… and vulgarity.
I’m not sure what the situation is like on the ground back home, or in Europe, but my impression from online news and the Daily Show’s regular mockup of mainstream media is that the news on China, and specifically on the Olympics during this month, is too frequently dehumanized. I experienced something similarly when I was back home in Alaska this summer – people I was talking to would ask a few questions about living in China and then the conversation would unexpectedly veer towards a cheapshot on the political situation – generally with a word along the lines of repression thrown in. Sure, there is a lot of good coverage that can be found out there, but it seems like the mainstream, i.e. TV, is following its typical playbook and either latching onto bad news in an oversimplified manner, or altogether ignoring it and doing puff peices. The real China stories of significance seem to get minimal coverage and in it all the viewer is left with not much but crap to ingest and grow their respective China opinion from. And you know the old addage – garbage in, garbage out.
Well, the fact is there is a lot not to like about how thing’s are over here, and there are a lot of journalists doing a bangup job on those topics, but I’ll leave that discussion for many other posts. More importantly, there is a very human side to Beijing that I certainly didn’t feel was well understood by people back home…
The Crude Cabbie
On Saturday I was on my way home from a killer skate session and took a taxi – about a 30 minute ride with traffic. Taking taxis is one of the biggest coin tosses in China – in the sense that half the time you get a complete dud of a cabbie, while the rest of the time you get someone that really perks you up for that ride and provides a unique new prism through which to view China. This time I got lucky, and had a great talk. After a few of the typical questions – Where (are you from), Why (are you in Beijing), How (do you like China), What (is your job), When (did you first get to China), and Who (do you think will win the medal count) – the cabbie, lets call him 师傅 (Shifu – a respectful Chinese term for people work these types of jobs) starting asking me about girls.
Apparently Shifu was a bit of a womanizer. Or a porn fiend, or, likely, both. He asked a few more stock questions for a talkative cabbie – do you think American’s or Chinese are prettier, how many girls have you had, etc. Then he starts expanding on his thoughts on women. “American’s are gorgeous, and have the best tits in the world. Chinese are terrible lovers, except for the few fun girls, but they make up for it by being the tightest – so skill doesn’t matter. And of courage American women are great lovers – they have to be, have you seen how loose they are! …can you please please get me a American girlfriend?” This banter went on for about 25 minutes, and was painfully hilarious the whole time. He was motioning this position, that position, this kind of girl, that kind of girl (hands in front of chest, etc), and on and on. The point of it all isn’t that he’s something incredibly unique or special (although the experience still makes me chuckle), but that the cabbie’s here are like back home – the vary widely and while only half or less provide memorable experiences, they all remind you that they’re just normal people – complaining about a girlfriend or wife, showing off pictures of their new house on their cellphone, asking less typical questions about America, etc.
The Old Photographer
Then, today, we were out skateboarding again on Beijing’s 金èžè¡— (Jinrong Jie – Financial Street, where many banking/insurance headquarter’s are located) when a feeble old Chinese woman approached us and started sputtering through a handful of Chinese/English sentences. Once she got a bit more comfortable her English improved significantly – enough that all of us foreigners were impressed. She was impressed by us skateboarding, commented that it looked pretty dangerous, and asked if she could take pictures for awhile. Apparently she was planning to enter a photo contest where photographers take pictures which highlight how much Beijing has changed in their lifetime. As she must have been older than 60, I’m guessing the change has been immense. She described how she the street we were on, now populated with hotels like the Ritz Carlton and Westin, shops like Louie Vuitton and Gucci, and BMW after Benz after BMW after Bentley rolling up down, had perhaps only a dozen years ago been strict èƒ¡åŒ (Hutongs – Beijing’s well known, and at times decrepid, back alleyways and open courtyard brick houses with traditional arches that have rapidly dwindled in number). Moreover, she thought the image of 3 foreign skateboarders – from Holland, Switzerland and America, with twice as many Chinese skateboarder’s was especially progressive – something, she said, that would have been unfathomable 10 years prior. She was a sweet old lady and we were kicking ourselves soon after she left for not getting her contact details – hopefully we run into her again (it is her neighborhood, after all) and get a chance to ask how her submission turned out.
